One guy gives you his very honest dating advice. See what he discovered about sex and dating…
There’s a saying that goes, “The best plan is to profit by the folly of others.” That’s what this article is about. I want to share with you a few things I’ve learned — the hard way — concerning girls and relationships. Specifically, I’ve jotted down ten reasons why I’m now waiting until marriage to have sex.
Dating Advice #1:
I now know that sex isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
When I was in college, I remember having an experience that I referred to as a “love hangover.” After being with a girl, the next morning I always felt an emptiness. That’s something you won’t see on TV or in the movies, but it happens a lot. There was emptiness, even regret, afterwards.
The “love hangover” was a strange occurrence for me. Mainly because when I was in college, sex was my “god.” As a male, it’s what I thought about morning, noon and night. So you would imagine that having sex would have been completely fulfilling — the crowning achievement in the worship of my “god.” And yet, there was often a lack of fulfillment afterwards.
Has that been your experience, too? Have you ever had a “love hangover”? If you have, you should stop and consider, “Why is that? Why is it that sex, if it’s so important to me, leaves me with an empty feeling?”
I remember being confused by this emptiness. I then concluded: “I just need more [sex], that’s all.” (We often think this way about stuff we hope will fulfill us, then doesn’t. For example, we get the car we’ve always wanted, but then it’s just “okay” after awhile. Instead of realizing that a car can’t really satisfy us, we usually make the error of thinking, “Well, I guess that wasn’t the right car. A different one will give me lasting fulfillment.”)
But the emptiness continued. So, finally, I came to the conclusion that premarital sex wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It gets too much hype. It’s not what the movies make it out to be. If it were, it would be completely fulfilling. There wouldn’t be any “emptiness.”
Dating Advice #2:
I now want to be more honorable toward women.
I’ve found that girls often don’t fully understand what’s going on when it comes to sex. That is, their perspective on the whole thing is very different from a guy’s. Often a girl will justify sex by saying, “But I love him,” even if she doesn’t really want to go through with it. Why does that happen? It’s been said that, “Girls use sex to get love; guys use love to get sex.”
This is how it works: the girl is picturing marrying the guy some day; the guy is picturing everything he wants to do with the girl before he goes back to tell his buddies about it. And while something inside her is telling her it’s the right thing to do, something inside the guy is telling him just the opposite, yet he proceeds. Why? For the physical pleasure no doubt, but also, I think, for another reason: it makes him feel like a man. But there is a great irony in that, for what is manly about deceiving a woman?
Something I’ve discovered is that, when you honor a woman, you are honoring yourself. Why? Because someday you will have regret, and the regret will last much longer than the pleasure. In the movie Rob Roy, the main character says, “Honor is a gift a man gives himself.” When you honor a woman by doing what you know to be right in your heart (that is, what’s in her best interest), you honor yourself and insure that you will have no long-lasting regrets to live with.
Dating Advice #3:
That’s somebody else’s wife.
Here’s what I mean: most of the girls I’ve been with are now married to other men. When I put myself in the shoes of those men, I wish that I hadn’t done what I’ve done. In fact, I might even like to punch myself in the nose for it.
And so it goes without saying that when I get married, I’m not going to like the idea that someone else has had his way with my wife. What about you? Do you like the idea of someone else being with your wife? If you have a girlfriend now and feel that way, think of how much stronger that feeling will be with your wife someday.
You can even take it a step further. That girl is someone’s daughter. What if she were my daughter? Or what if she were my sister? Would I want some guy like me taking advantage of her? I now see girls from a different perspective. They’re someone else’s future wife, someone else’s daughter, sister, etc.
Dating Advice #4:
Sex has killed my best relationships.
For example, I had a college sweetheart, the girl of my dreams. With her, there was never a dull moment. We totally “clicked.” We waited for awhile, then, through my initiation, we started having sex.
Sex soon became the focus of our relationship. I stopped wanting to get to know her on any other level. And so, instead of growing closer together, we actually started drifting apart. That’s what I mean by “sex killed my best relationships.” People can relate on many different levels — emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually. But when my girlfriend and I started relating mostly physically, it short-circuited the other parts of our relationship. As a result, the relationship as a whole started to go south. We might still be together today if we (I) had waited.
I’ve seen this happen with countless relationships, not just others of my own, but those of many other people. And I think there’s a reason for this, which I’ll explain next.
Dating Advice #5:
Sex before marriage ruins the other parts of the relationship.
For me, two things happened once I had sex with a girl. As I look back on it, I can say that they happened literally every time, although I was unaware of these dynamics at the time. The two things were this: 1) I lost respect for the girl (even though I didn’t want to); and 2) she began to mistrust me (even though she didn’t want to).
I don’t know why this happened, I just know that it did. Maybe it’s just built into “the system.” But one thing’s for sure: I’m not alone. I’ve seen it happen over and over again. I know many people having marital problems because they engaged in premarital sex. They go into the marriage with lack of respect and lack of trust, two absolute necessities for the health of any marriage.
I know a newlywed couple who have sex less than once a month because of this — he doesn’t respect her, she knows it, and she doesn’t trust him, so she doesn’t want to give herself to him. It’s very sad, and more common than you might think. But nobody talks about this kind of thing in public. And the movie and TV portrayals of couples having sex before marriage never present it either. It’s like no one wants to acknowledge that it’s happening, even though it is.